Quasi-Quirkyalone

Meantime Girl

2008-03-14T08:15:00.000-07:00

She’s the one you call when you’re bored because she makes you laugh. She’s the one you talk to when you’re feeling down because she’s willing to lend an ear and be a friend. She’s not the one you call when you need a date to your company’s Christmas party, or to go dancing with on a Saturday night. She’s the one you spend time with between girlfriends, before you find "The One". You know, the one who you keep around in the meantime.She’s not one of the guys, not a tomboy, but you don’t look at her as a "real" woman, either. She’s not bitchy enough, moody enough, or sexy enough to be seen in that light. She’s too laid-back, too easily amused by the same things your male buddies are amused by. She’s too understanding, too comfortable – she doesn’t make you feel nervous or excited the way a "real" woman does. But she’s cool, and nice, and funny, and attractive enough that when you’re lonely or horny and need intimate female companionship, she’ll do just fine. You don’t have to wine and dine her because she knows the real you already, and you don’t have any facades to keep up, no pretenses to preserve. You’re not trying to get anything of substance out of her. She’s not easy, but you know that she cares about you and is attracted to you, and that she’ll give you the intimacy you need. And you know you don’t have to explain yourself or the situation, that she’ll be able to cope with the fact that this isn’t the beginning of a relationship or that there’s any possibility that you have any real romantic feelings for her. It won’t bother her that you’ll get up in the morning, put on your pants, say goodbye, and go on a date with the woman you’ve been mooning over for weeks who finally agreed to go out with you. She’ll settle for a goodbye hug and a promise to call her and tell her how the date went. She’s just so cool . . . why can’t all women be like that?!But deep down, if you really think about it (which you probably don’t because to you, the situation between the two of you isn’t important enough to merit any real thought), you know that it’s really not fair. You know that although she would never say it, it hurts her to know that despite all her good points and all the fun you two have, you don’t think she’s good enough to spend any real time with. Sure, it’s mostly her fault, because she doesn’t have to give in to your needs – she could play the hard-to-get bitch like the rest of them do, if she really wanted to. But you and she both know that she probably couldn’t pull it off. Maybe she’s too short, or a little overweight, or has a big birthmark on her forehead, or works at Taco Bell. Whatever the reason, somehow life has given her a lot of really great qualities but has left out the ones that men want (or think they want) in a woman. So she remains forever the funny friend, the steadfast companion, the secret lover, and you go on searching for your goddess who will somehow be everything you ever wanted in a woman. She doesn’t captivate you with her beauty, or open doors with her smile. Mainly she blends in with the crowd. She’s safe. She doesn’t want to be the center of attention and turn the heads of everyone in the room. But she wants to turn someone’s head. She wants to be special to someone, too. We all do.She has feelings. She has a heart. In fact, she probably has a bigger and better heart than any woman you’ve ever known because she’s had a front-row seat to The Mess That Is Your Life, and she likes you anyway. She obviously sees something worthwhile and redeeming in you because although you’ve given her nothing, absolutely no reason to still be around, she is.Anyway, yeah. I’m a Meantime Girl. Been one more times than I care to admit. I don’t know the reason, really, and at this point I don’t even care. I just want to let every guy know who’s ever had the good fortune to have a Meantime Girl that we may be a lot of fun, but we cry, too. A lot. And someday we won’t be around.

2008-03-09T09:00:00.000-07:00

I am soooo confused…
Mixed emotions…
Loneliness reigns…
Supreme sadness…
I can’t seem to focus…
I’ll try to sleep...

Better Than We Break

2008-03-09T08:56:00.000-07:00

"Nood ka maroon 5?"

Message received at 2:57 pm of March 5, 2008 from "mhalab"(our term of endearment during the honeymoon stage of our then relationship).

I have two cell phones…One is for my personal number and the other has a sim card issued by the company. Since I received that sim, I kept it to myself. I did not inform friends, colleagues about that other number… it served as a personal number for “mhalab”. Since we’re no longer together I didn’t mind if its battery is full or empty. I wasn’t expecting any text messages or call from that cell anyway. Maliban lang sa masugid kong textmate na sina Globe 2350 r 2346. Hmph!

Well,I charged the battery anyhow.

When I turned on the cell phone, to my surprise, “1 message received” it read.

A message from mhalab asking me if I’m going to watch Maroon 5’s concert. (we had plans on watching the concert together, by hook or by crook…that was before the break up). I felt numb! I didn’t feel anything. Weird. Then after a few seconds which seemed eternity, I felt “air” filled my whole body and then my heart pumped so slowly and so fast at the same time….pwde ba yun? Parang may malamig na tubig na bumuhos sakin. I stopped breathing…literally.

“Bakit? Bakit? Bakit? Was all I could utter. Bakit sha nagtext?
A lot of questions filled my mind… “Is he going to ask me to watch the concert with him? Miss nya na ata ako? Will I reply? What will I reply? Hahaha daming questions, pagpapangap at pagtaas ng sariling bangko. Why do I have to receive messages from him during the time that I was trying to accept that its’ over?

Eh di shempre, nadiskarel na naman ako….

After a few exchange of text messages…after that blood-rushing experience…

the conclusion…

I did not watch the concert… he did not watch the concert either.

Maroon 5 became a part of our relationship…the honeymoon stage…
Sabi ko dati,pag dumating ang panahon na we have to part ways, our break up song would be “Better Than We Break” by no less than the Maroon 5.

Sa mga nakanood ng concert....I am soooo happy for you!

Finding Nemo

2008-03-05T07:22:00.000-08:00

I thought I was going to die!

It was May 3, 2007 when I had my first taste of scuba diving. Yes! You got it right- SCUBA DIVING! My friends from Game knb convinced me to join them for scuba lessons. At first, I was thrilled…ecstatic…determined…I wanted to adhere this undertaking for three reasons. First, to rekindle the friendship with my gameknb friends…I missed them so much…being away from them because I joined a different show format made me realize that they’re the best colleagues I had in that TV network I worked for seven long years (talk about seven year itch). Second, to conquer my fear of the ocean…hindi ako marunong magswimming. Ba’t ba?… Lastly, to divert my attention and just simply to unwind because it was only months that I just had my heart broken by my ex-boyfriend-for four years-whom almost-soon-to-be-husband. (future blog entry, hehehe)

That was it! May 3, 2007 was my first and last scuba diving lesson/ pool session for the year. No words can describe the feeling I had when I was underwater…being able to breathe underwater (swimming pool lang) using all those equipment that I can’t even seem to memorize the names made me overjoyed and thankful. But it made me question myself. Can I do this? Can I actually dive? I can’t concentrate…can’t focus…can’t understand a thing my dive master was teaching me. I was preoccupied by the fact that my heart was badly bruised during that time and I was trying to push myself to let go and move on with my life without him.

My schedule was killing me…I didn’t have the chance to attend succeeding diving lessons anymore. But I know part of me wasn’t that ready to undergo that lesson. But I know when the right time comes, I will finish that lesson and will be able to dive out.

True enough, after a year I conquered my fear and went scuba diving! Yippee…Yehey! Yahoo! It was in Anilao, Batangas. We had to dive out --- four wonderful times! I was way behind the scuba lessons…they were able to dive out already…they know what to do…but for me…I was again scared! This time it wasn’t a pa-cute scared of a thing… This was a real SCARY THING…this is the real thing… This is where I will use all the knowledge I have learned (if I had learned any, hehehe). This is where I will see fishes, corals and anything and everything underwater. Eto yung tipong wala nang side ng swimming pool na mahahawakan ko sakaling mag chicken out ako. Ang bigat pa ng oxygen tank. Gwabeh! I should do this…these were the words I constantly repeat inside my head. Plus that fact that I paid a considerably large amount of money just to give me something to fear about? Labo! Ang expensive na nga ng scuba lessons, expensive pa ang mga gamit…wet suit, booties, goggles, snorkel, flippers…haaay…ang mahal masaktan ang puso….hehehe

On the boat, going to the dive site, I was praying so hard…I think the bangkero heard me even though I was whispering. Hahaha I was sooooooo SCARED, AFRAID, FRIGHTENED, TERRIFIED. TROUBLED to the max! (ano pa bang word pwedeng i-describe sa takot na naramdaman ko?) I wasn’t prepared! I thought I was going to die!
But thank God I didn’t die…It wasn’t my time yet. If ever I died that time, it wasn’t because of an accident during the dive but a heart attack because I was so stressed out and I forgot the word "relax" and panic was my bestfriend that time. I worried too much… I went down…underwater that is…while going down the ocean, I was still praying…naka isang rosaryo ata ako!

Thinking that I was going to die was the agony for my dive. When I was doing the actual skill of scuba diving…I got at ease…seeing all those corals, fishes with different sizes and colors (si Dorie Nakita ko, si Nemo..finding nemo parin), every creature underwater was really a work of art ...wonders… Ang galing talaga ni God! Yun lang nasabi ko…Ang galing kung pano nakakahinga ako sa ilalim ng tubig…It was peaceful but scary…It was relaxing but scary…It was fun but scary…It was fantastic but scary… It was remarkable but sacry…It was marvelous but scary…It was an awe-inspiring experience worth fearing because through that fear I was determined to overcome it. I was determined to see the beautiful things God allowed me to see. Through that fear, i VALUEd life once again...Through that fear, I was able to divert my attention from my heart that was broken again (stress on the word again)…Yes! Another moving on stage for me. This time, just a week of enduring the pain and hurt caused by the break-up…I thought of dying...God made me experience the possibility of dying through diving but then again there’s a million reasons to apprecate life and be grateful about…because they say that a heartbreak even though it’s so painful and the worst feeling one can experience, it is still a blessing from God because He saved me from the (possibly) wrong one. *wink*